Golf Compendium

Does Tiger Woods fart a lot? Hey, there's no way to ask that question politely, or delicately. But ask it we must, because "Tiger Woods fart" is a phrase that gets searched a lot on the Web. And if people are looking for information about El Tigre and his butt trumpet, well, we're willing to step into that fray (but not into his exhaust plume).

When my golf game ended the other day, I headed straight to the grocery store. My buddies and I have a tradition for our big weekly game: loser buys the steaks. Then we meet back up at one of our houses and enjoy a meal together.

Mabel walks into the clubhouse looking for her husband, Jasper, who she's arrived to pick up after his round of golf. She finds him at the bar and asks how his round went.

Andy jumped out of his car in front of the hospital, grabbed his unconscious wife out of the back seat, and dragged her into the emergency room.

How do you sometimes feel at the end of a poor day of play on the golf course? Sometimes you just feel like packing it all in.

Thaddeus was an 11-handicapper, but one day he walked up to his club pro, a professional who routinely broke par, and challenged him to a match. Thad even suggested they wager $100 on the outcome — and he didn't ask for any strokes.

A wife and husband are sitting around one evening, just talking, when the wife suddenly asks, "If I died, would you re-marry?"

Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus and Tiger Woods are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in."

Benjamin the golfer sets off on an around-the-world trip in his new boat, but he winds up veering off course and gets lost. He drifts onto a deserted island, where he is stranded, all alone.

Pedro was looking forward all week to his Saturday round of golf. He was heading to a fancy resort — the type of golf course he didn't normally play. And when the day arrived, he couldn't wait to get there. It also marked a first for Pedro: He'd be using a caddie for the very first time.

Manny and Darvin were two singles who showed up at the golf course on a slow day and were paired together in a twosome. It was the favorite golf course for both, and they were enjoying the round. There was only one problem:

The team of archeologists had been toiling deep in the Amazon jungle for months and months, clearing choking undergrowth away from the faint traces of the great Lost City.

Do you call a mulligan a mulligan, or does your group of golf buddies have a different name for this feature of recreational golf? We golfers have our own slang, in this case starting with "mulligan" itself. Here we'll list many other terms golfers use to mean the same thing.

(For this joke, you can substitute the name(s) of any pro golfer(s) you wish.) The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from the prime minister of Israel.

Jose and Johnny are playing a spectacular new golf course built on very scenic terrain — cliffsides and gulleys and ravines. They reach the 6th hole, where Jose slices a ball into a thickly wooded, deep ravine.

Barney and his friend Hector were playing a round of golf with their wives early on a Sunday. It was a four-ball, better-ball format with a little bit of cash on the line.

A married couple is out for their weekly round of golf, enjoying a great day and great play. But on the ninth green, something terrible happens. The wife screams in agony and collapses to the green.

A young man, his father and his grandfather were about to tee off to start their round when an incredibly good-looking woman walked up to the tee box.

Chuck was a popular member at the golf club, but he just finished a terrible round of golf and wasn't in a mood to visit the clubhouse after walking off the 18th green. So he headed straight out to the parking lot and started changing his shoes.

It was a sunny Saturday morning, a little before 8 a.m. I was on the first hole at Tall Maples National Golf Club and beginning my pre-shot routine, when a piercing voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: