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Showing posts with the label Amusements

Worse Than Tennis Elbow

When my golf game ended the other day, I headed straight to the grocery store. My buddies and I have a tradition for our big weekly game: loser buys the steaks. Then we meet back up at one of our houses and enjoy a meal together.

Golf Joke: What A Drag

Mabel walks into the clubhouse looking for her husband, Jasper, who she's arrived to pick up after his round of golf. She finds him at the bar and asks how his round went.

Golf Joke: Andy, Agnes and the ER Doc

Andy jumped out of his car in front of the hospital, grabbed his unconscious wife out of the back seat, and dragged her into the emergency room.

Golf Joke: Go Jump In a Lake

How do you sometimes feel at the end of a poor day of play on the golf course? Sometimes you just feel like packing it all in.

Golf Joke: Gotcha!

Thaddeus was an 11-handicapper, but one day he walked up to his club pro, a professional who routinely broke par, and challenged him to a match. Thad even suggested they wager $100 on the outcome — and he didn't ask for any strokes.

Golf Joke: Beware What You Ask

A wife and husband are sitting around one evening, just talking, when the wife suddenly asks, "If I died, would you re-marry?"

Arnie, Jack and Tiger Before God

Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus and Tiger Woods are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in."

Golf Joke: The Mermaid

Benjamin the golfer sets off on an around-the-world trip in his new boat, but he winds up veering off course and gets lost. He drifts onto a deserted island, where he is stranded, all alone.

Golf Joke: Worst Caddie of All-Time?

Pedro was looking forward all week to his Saturday round of golf. He was heading to a fancy resort — the type of golf course he didn't normally play. And when the day arrived, he couldn't wait to get there. It also marked a first for Pedro: He'd be using a caddie for the very first time.

Golf Joke: Small World

Manny and Darvin were two singles who showed up at the golf course on a slow day and were paired together in a twosome. It was the favorite golf course for both, and they were enjoying the round. There was only one problem:

Golf Joke: The Lost City

The team of archeologists had been toiling deep in the Amazon jungle for months and months, clearing choking undergrowth away from the faint traces of the great Lost City.

20+ Other Terms Golfers Have for the Mulligan

Do you call a mulligan a mulligan, or does your group of golf buddies have a different name for this feature of recreational golf? We golfers have our own slang, in this case starting with "mulligan" itself. Here we'll list many other terms golfers use to mean the same thing.

Golf Joke: Cardinal Mickelson

(For this joke, you can substitute the name(s) of any pro golfer(s) you wish.) The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from the prime minister of Israel.

Golf Joke: The Ravine

Jose and Johnny are playing a spectacular new golf course built on very scenic terrain — cliffsides and gulleys and ravines. They reach the 6th hole, where Jose slices a ball into a thickly wooded, deep ravine.

Golf Joke: Not Trying That Shot Again!

Barney and his friend Hector were playing a round of golf with their wives early on a Sunday. It was a four-ball, better-ball format with a little bit of cash on the line.

Golf Joke: Greenside Manner

A married couple is out for their weekly round of golf, enjoying a great day and great play. But on the ninth green, something terrible happens. The wife screams in agony and collapses to the green.

Golf Joke: No Advice

A young man, his father and his grandfather were about to tee off to start their round when an incredibly good-looking woman walked up to the tee box.

Golf Joke: Did I Do That?

Chuck was a popular member at the golf club, but he just finished a terrible round of golf and wasn't in a mood to visit the clubhouse after walking off the 18th green. So he headed straight out to the parking lot and started changing his shoes.

Golf Joke: The Voice from the Clubhouse

It was a sunny Saturday morning, a little before 8 a.m. I was on the first hole at Tall Maples National Golf Club and beginning my pre-shot routine, when a piercing voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker:

Golf Joke: A Cheater and a Liar

Wayne and Wanda head out to the golf course for a quick nine holes. On the first tee, Wayne turns to Wanda and says, "What do you say we make this time worth something. Play you for $5?" Wanda agrees, and they start their rounds.